I think a retired English teacher was bored.
THIS IS GREAT!
Read all the way to the end.................
This took a lot of work to put together!
You think English is easy??
1) The bandage was
wound
around the
wound.
2) The farm was used to
produce produce
.
3) The dump was so full that it had to
refuse
more
refuse
.
4) We must
polish
the
Polish
furniture.
5) He could
lead
if he would get the
lead
out.
6) The soldier decided to
desert
his dessert in the
de! sert.
7) Since there is no time like the
present
, he thought it was time to
present
the
present
.
8) A
bass
was painted on the head of the
bass
drum.
9) When shot at, the
dove dove
into the bushes.
10) I did not
object
to the
object.
11) The insurance was
invalid
for the
invalid.
12) There was a
row
among the oarsmen about how to
row
.
13) They were too
close
to the door! to
close
it.
14) The buck
does
funny things when the
does
are present.
15) A seamstress and a
sewer
fell down into a
sewer
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow
to
sow.
17) The
wind
was too strong to
wind
the sail.
18) Upon seeing the
tear
in the painting I shed a
tear..
19) I had to
subject
the
subject
to a ! series of tests.
20) How can I
intimate
this to my most
intimate
friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn'! t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is
'
UP
.'
It's easy to understand
UP
, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake
UP
?
At a meeting, why does a topic come
UP
?
Why do we speak
UP
and why are the officers
UP
for election and why is it
UP
to the secretary to write
UP
a report?
We call
UP
our friends.
And we use it to brighten
UP
a room, polish
UP
the silver; we warm
UP
the leftovers and clean
UP
the kitchen.
We lock
UP
the house and some guys fix
UP
the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning..
People stir
UP
trouble, line
UP
for tickets, work
UP
an appetite, and think
UP
excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed
UP
is special..
A drain must be opened
UP
because it is stopped
UP
.
We open
UP
a store in the morning but we close it
UP
at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed
UP
about
UP
!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of
UP
, look the word
UP
in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes
UP
almost 1/4th of the page and can add
UP
to about thirty definitions.
If you are
UP
to it, you might try building
UP
a list of the many ways
UP
is used.
It will take
UP
a lot of your time, but if you don't give
UP
, you may wind
UP
with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding
UP
.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing
UP
.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things
UP
.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry
UP
.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it
UP
,
for now my time is
UP
,
so........it is time to shut
UP
!
Now it's
UP
to you what you do with this email.
---------------------------------------
Which is the most Dangerous Letter in the Alphabet
Answer is "W"... It is a tension generator... All the worries get initiated with "W"...
Who?<p> </p> Why?<p> </p> What?<p> </p> When?<p> </p> Which?<p> </p> Whom?<p> </p> Where?................<p> </p> War...<p> </p> Wine..<p> </p> Whisky<p> </p> Women....<p> </p> Wealth
And finally ....... Believe it or not .......... WIFE...