Fw: English !!!!!!! ??????

 I think a retired English teacher was bored.

THIS IS GREAT!

Read all the way to the end.................

This took a lot of work to put together!

You think English is easy??

1) The bandage was

wound

around the

wound.

2) The farm was used to

produce produce

.

3) The dump was so full that it had to

refuse

more

refuse

.

4) We must

polish

the

Polish

furniture.

5) He could

lead

if he would get the

lead

out.

6) The soldier decided to

desert

his dessert in the

de! sert.

7) Since there is no time like the

present

, he thought it was time to

present

the

present

.

8) A

bass

was painted on the head of the

bass

drum.

9) When shot at, the

dove dove

into the bushes.

10) I did not

object

to the

object.

11) The insurance was

invalid

for the

invalid.

12) There was a

row

among the oarsmen about how to

row

.

13) They were too

close

to the door! to

close

it.

14) The buck

does

funny things when the

does

are present.

15) A seamstress and a

sewer

fell down into a

sewer

line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his

sow

to

sow.

17) The

wind

was too strong to

wind

the sail.

18) Upon seeing the

tear

in the painting I shed a

tear..

19) I had to

subject

the

subject

to a ! series of tests.

20) How can I

intimate

this to my most

intimate

friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn'! t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is

'

UP

.'

It's easy to understand

UP

, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake

UP

?

At a meeting, why does a topic come

UP

?

Why do we speak

UP

and why are the officers

UP

for election and why is it

UP

to the secretary to write

UP

a report?

We call

UP

our friends.

And we use it to brighten

UP

a room, polish

UP

the silver; we warm

UP

the leftovers and clean

UP

the kitchen.

We lock

UP

the house and some guys fix

UP

the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning..

People stir

UP

trouble, line

UP

for tickets, work

UP

an appetite, and think

UP

excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed

UP

is special..

A drain must be opened

UP

because it is stopped

UP

.

We open

UP

a store in the morning but we close it

UP

at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed

UP

about

UP

!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of

UP

, look the word

UP

in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes

UP

almost 1/4th of the page and can add

UP

to about thirty definitions.

If you are

UP

to it, you might try building

UP

a list of the many ways

UP

is used.

It will take

UP

a lot of your time, but if you don't give

UP

, you may wind

UP

with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding

UP

.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing

UP

.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things

UP

.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry

UP

.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it

UP

,

for now my time is

UP

,

so........it is time to shut

UP

!

Now it's

UP

to you what you do with this email.

---------------------------------------

Which is the most Dangerous Letter in the Alphabet

Answer is "W"... It is a tension generator... All the worries get initiated with "W"...

Who?<p> </p> Why?<p> </p> What?<p> </p> When?<p> </p> Which?<p> </p> Whom?<p> </p> Where?................<p> </p> War...<p> </p> Wine..<p> </p> Whisky<p> </p> Women....<p> </p> Wealth

And finally ....... Believe it or not .......... WIFE...